Ordained Alligator Removing Pastor

Glamberts,

If you arrived at the Razor in search of my commentary on the ongoing "to shave or not to shave" feud between Adam Lambert and I, you must only scroll down a few inches. That post, from yesterday, is entitled @adamsrazor vs. @adamsgoatee.


---

While scouring the headlines for blogworthy pieces yesterday, I found a story about a lady in Central Florida (Alexis Dunbar) who, over the weekend, was surprised to find an alligator in her bathroom. You can read about it here. From the article we learn that, "Her boyfriend propped a small table by the bathroom to keep the gator inside until an officer from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission showed up to take him away. "


It's a crying shame that Ms. Dunbar is not a member of Rock Sink Baptist Church in Old Town, FL. If she were, it would've been unnecessary to call the FFaWCC. You see, the minister of Rock Sink Baptist Church, Terry Cranford wears at least three hats. He is the pastor, minister of music, and head alligator remover for his congregation. As far as I can tell, he is the only Southern Baptist minister who is an ordained Alligator removal expert.


As it happens, I lived across the street from Rev. Cranford when I was a child. It would be an understatement to say that I was terrified of him. As long as I live, I'll never forget when he was studying for his final exam in Baptism. There was a shortage of new believers in the area and Rev. Cranford desperately wanted to practice his technique. When none of us kids would agree to be dunked by him, he caught an alligator and was practicing baptisms on it in his bathroom.



Mrs. Cranford, patient though she may be, was immediately forgiven for the things she said/thought when she saw what that poor gator did to their bathroom. The beast tore down their shower curtain, knocked the commode off the foundation, and was in the process of removing the door from its hinges when Mrs. Cranford arrived home.


The resulting conversation between the soaking wet Rev. Cranford and his wife went something like this:


Mrs. Cranford: "What have I told you about bringing alligators into our home?"



Rev. Cranford: "Don't worry honey! I've just about baptized all the sin outta this one! Couple more dunks and he'll be redeemed."


Mrs Cranford: " A couple more dunks and there won't be anything left of the house!"


As I'm sure you can imagine, we kids in the neighborhood gave the Cranford house a pretty wide berth. In addition to preaching and alligator wrestling, Rev. Cranford also enjoys singing all 4 verses of "Just as I am" and collecting "Love offerings". Quite a well-rounded fellow...


---

A personal note to Rev. Cranford:


Perhaps there are some drawbacks to "knowing, and being remembered by, this smart-aleck kid".


I hope you like cramps,


Adam