Rep. Weiner, GovChild, DWTWS, &c.

It seems I've completely missed my opportunity with the Wiener Twitter fiasco. Perhaps it's for the best, as the best joke I came up with involved the inappropriate use of a former President's name, and wasn't particularly family friendly. While on the family friendly theme, parents who have been cautiously monitoring their kid's E-Activity were disappointed to learn that they must now not only monitor communications with sexual predator's, but also with politicians.


In an effort to make parents' lives easier, I've done some of the leg work you you:

• @RepWeiner - As you already know, not safe.



• @RepJohnson - Breaking the trend of suggestive last names, this one is safe, for now.



• @SenBarbaraBoxer - Safe, unless you are a fetus, in which case it's open season.



• @BarneyFrank - Surprisingly, this one was safe until he began re-tweeting photos from @RepWeiner.
  

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Quick note on Arnold Schwartzenegger's illegitimate son. I have high hopes for this kid. The offspring of a Governor and a maid, perhaps genetically predisposed to cleaning up our fiscal situation. (Boy, was that cumbersome.)

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Dancing with the Wiregrass Stars

My ladyfriend (and un-renowned Blogger) Christena, invited me to attend our local charity-supportive version of the hit TV show, Dancing with the Stars, which will be held this Saturday night. Various personalities from the Wiregrass are joining together to hold a Dance-Off to raise money for those less fortunate. You might be surprised to learn that my answer to her invitation was an emphatic "YES!".

In fairness, I must confess to having an ulterior motive for attending this farce. I have a crush on one of the participants. Perhaps it's the uniform, but Sgt. Rachel David of the Dothan Police Department has caused me to spend many hours contemplating which crime I could commit that would result in her investigating me thoroughly, without risking the possibility of jail time, and maybe even leaving me the right to choose to not vote in the next election. Being an outside-the-box thinker, I've also considered being the victim of a crime, but have not yet settled on a complaint that wouldn't make me look like a doofus.

In case you were wondering, she looks like this:

$%@#&!!!!!

One of my Editors just wandered into my office and informed me that Rachel David, who is pictured above and is participating in the DWTWS, is not the police officer that I've been wanting to be handcuffed by. Rather, there are at least 2 attractive Dothan police officers. I've seen the other lady, a detective whose name I do not know, featured in the local newspaper a couple times and developed a bit of a crush on her. Sadly, when I saw "attractive police officer dancing" I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Oh well. I've already gone to the trouble of writing the post, so I might as well publish it. Further, I had to consult an architect when constructing one of the above sentences. It contains 50+ words, multiple supportive clauses, and a reasonable amount of humor. The first couple times I tried to write it, it collapsed under its own weight. Finally getting that beast tamed, and this post completed, I had high hopes when I submitted it for publication. The news that I was the victim of a case of mistaken identity was a shock to the soul. In my weakened state, I fear the pain of deleting that sentence would be more than I could bear...

Finally, Ms. David does seem to be attractive. So while she wouldn't be my first choice in a responding officer, she'd be high up the list.

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I had a couple more things to cover, but now I've got to spend some time figuring out how to get out of attending this dancing thing...

The Costa Rica Files, Version 4.0

For the record, since we've been in Costa Rica, the Razor has outperformed "Life in the Fast Lane" 4 posts to 0. I think I've pinpointed her problem. I wrote all these posts while Christena was asleep... "Life in the Nap Lane" doesn't have quite the same ring to it though, does it? Nevertheless, I'm sure she'll add more photos to her blog, between naps, over the next few months if you want to check it out.

By the way, if you find yourself in Monteverde, Costa Rica and your only option to leave is to drive, buy some property, meet a nice girl, settle down, and have children. Do not consider driving out. It is slightly easier than driving to Monteverde, but only marginally so.

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Tonight's hotel is very nice. As we drove through the neighborhood, and it became seedier and seedier, we'd hoped that the GPS was making a mistake. However, when we arrived we were pleased to find that there is a 12 foot wall around the entire property, which is about the size of a city block. Inside the wall, everything is immaculately tended, well landscaped and the staff is very courteous. Taylor swam in the pool while Christena and I ate dinner. Here's a photo or two:

Hard to believe that just outside the gate/walls is a place you wouldn't want to be after sun down.

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Before we left Monteverde, we stopped by a Hummingbird garden that was quite remarkable. There were probably 6 or 8 hummingbird feeders set up and hundreds of birds were feeding, seemingly without fear of humans. The Purple Sabrewing, while still a hummingbird, is about the size of an ordinary bird back home. Maybe the size of the feeder will give you an idea of its relative size:

And here are 3 birds on one feeder:
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It's been a good trip. Glad we got to do it. Thought I'd get to read more, but with all the driving and excursions, the time seemed to slip away. And I had to blog... I was able to keep up with the news and most of the daily reading I do for work and I did read one book, so I suppose I read enough. Somehow, I thought I'd read more...

I'm not sure we got a great feel for the culture here. We spent so much time looking at nature/wildlife that we didn't spend a lot of time with the people. With that said, everyone we met was very friendly and helpful. In Malaysia, the architectue was dominated by mosques, showing their dedication to Islam. Peru was about the same, except Catholic. Here, like Belize, I've seen churches, but not many, and they aren't very impressive to look at. I may be misreading that situation, but somehow I just don't feel that faith is an important part of the typical life around here.

The food was pretty average. I liked everything I ate, but there was nothing to really knock your socks off. I was expecting something sort of Mexicanesque, and while there was a lot of tortilla/rice/beans, it wasn't spicy. In fact, at times it was quite bland. The pineapple, which I assume was very fresh, was much better than at home.

Of course, we spent lots of time in the countryside, so we saw lots of agriculture. I'm not sure what they were growing, but it was certainly not cotton or peanuts. Perhaps citrus.

Beyond that, I'm not sure that I know much more about the Costa Rican people now, than when I arrived. But the scenery, wildlife, and adventure? Unbelievable!

Come whenever you can. If you have time, check out the ocean and let me know how it is. Our schedule, and Taylor's desire to see a volcano, kept us in the interior of the country.

Oh yeah, I wore twice as much clothing as planned, primarily due to the humidity. I had to let one of the hotels do a couple loads for me so I'd have enough to last...

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I would imagine that the rest of the week will be spent catching up at work and getting back into the swing of things, so I don't know when I'll blog again. I hate I missed the Weiner/twitter scandal, that might have been fun. Luckily, we have lots of politicians in America so another opportunity is surely right around the corner.

The Costa Rica Files, Version 3.0

UPDATED WITH PHOTOS...
As you will read below, I left my hotel room in quite a hurry this morning. In my haste, I forgot the memory card with the photos. Soon, hopefully this morning, I will retrieve it and add photos to this post, until then...
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We've spent the past 2 days in Monteverde. It's a nice little town, feels almost like a European-backpacker environment. There are lots of tourists here, long haired hippies drinking lattes and writing in their journals. I found Arenal to be more laid back and this town less-upscale, but with a much faster pace, if you were wondering...
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DO NOT DRIVE TO MONTEVERDE. This is a lesson that we learned the hard way. All roads leading to Monteverde are absolutely awful. Actually, referring to them as roads is libelous to roads everywhere. There should be a new word, whether English or Spanish, that refers to a strip of land rougtly 20 feet wide and 50 miles long that was cursed by God, suitable for no other purpose than to brutalize the kidneys of tourists as they bounce and bump along at about 15 miles per hour. The act of driving here quite literally, made me sick. Of course, once you arrive, it is a pretty cool place, but take the boat, take a helicopter, or walk. I've never missed the air suspension of the Range Rover as bad as I did on that God-forsaken drive.

This photo doesn't do the the road to Monteverde justice, but it is all I have:




When we booked this trip, there was a menu of hotels you could choose from in each town. In Monteverde we elected to pay a little extra to upgrade to a the Ficus hotel, which on the Internet, appeared to be cabins nestled in the rainforest. I suppose the pictures we saw were technically accurate, we had monkeys right out side the window at breakfast yesterday, and they ate fruit we left out for them. Further, directly outside our cabin, we saw an enormous sloth eating and climbing from tree to tree. This was quite fortunate. Most of the time, the untrained eye could pass by a sloth without even noticing it, as they spend 95%+ of the time sedentary. To see one moving around and eating, cool.

Back to our hotel. We laughed when we checked in, realizing that we'd paid extra money to stay here. Our cabin, which we thought we would have to ourselves, actually contains 3 hotel style rooms, and the walls seperating them are paper thin. So for the past 2 days, we've heard everything that out our neighbors said, did, or thought. This morning I was aroused (from sleep) by our amorous post-middle-aged neighbors starting their day off right. Not knowing if there session was pharmaceutically enhanced, and not willing to risk it, I came down to the lodge to write this blog. As I type this, they've just walked in for breakfast. Allowing 30 minutes for showering, dressing, &c., I'll assume no pharmacutics were involved...
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I've kind of lost track of days, but our last full day in Arenal, whenever that was, was a very physically strenuous day. We met our guide at 7:30 for a lengthy hike through the jungle/suspension bridges. We saw howler monkeys, poisonous tree frogs, lizards and the eyelash pit viper. The guide was very well educated, having a degree in ecology and 10 years experience. I kept quizzing him about names of trees and plants and he pretty much knew them all. After that jungle hike, we visited a waterfall. To arrive at the waterfall required walking down 500 steps, and not the kind of symetrical steps we have back home, but the physically exhausting kind you'd expect to find here. After hanging around the waterfall, which was quite beautiful, we hiked back up the steps. After a stop for lunch (good food) we went on the Volcano hike. Once again the guide was very informative and we enjoyed it. Sadly, my typical lifestyle is probably closer to the sloth than is healthy, so the cumulative hiking that we did took a toll on my legs. The last activity of the day was dinner at the Baldi Hot Springs. We ate a nice meal and then relaxed in the hot springs that come from the volcano. When we arrived back at our room around 9:00p.m., we had no trouble getting to sleep.

HANGING BRIDGES:

WATERFALL:


So we decided to use yesterday as I day of rest, but not wanting to waste the whole day, we went on another zip-lining trip. Which is a lot of fun, but not physically demanding. Here are some photos:

The last line on the trip is one of the longest in the world, over a 1/2 mile. Christena and I rode it tandem, which gives you maximum speed. It was a rush.
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If you have some extra time, here is a slide show of some random photos. Some of them probably need some explaining, but keep an eye out for a tarantula, a poisonous frog, and a sloth...

Today we make the dreaded drive back to San Jose. Tomorrow we return to the US. Our plane doesn't arrive in Orlando until 11:00 p.m. so we won't be back in Dothan until Tuesday.

Oh yeah, I don't know if it is something I ate or drank, but if you want a description of what is happening in my gastro-intestinal tract, watch the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan or read about a similar problem I had on Borneo last year (here).

As always, sorry about the typos/mispellings. Spellcheck doesn't work here. I tried to read back through this, but I'm sure I've missed a lot.

The Costa Rica Files, Version 2.0

Here is the view of Arenal Volcano from our hotel. Do not be alarmed that we are too close. I bought the Volcano Insurance, so if it erupts, we will be covered...

We had a most interesting drive from San Jose to the hotel. It took about 2.5 hours to travel 90 miles. The first portion of the trip was on a highway. The second portion was on a rather crooked, sometimes one lane, road through the mountains. I'm not sure how anyone could travel from San Jose to Arenal without a GPS, that thing paid for itself today. We stopped a few times along the way and took some photos, check them out:
Our hotel is located in one of the greatest tropical gardens I could imagine. Everything is well tended and there are hundreds of trees/bushes that I've never seen before. We arrived here about 1 hour before our afternoon activity was scheduled to leave, giving us just enough time to unpack, change clothes, etc. before heading out to go ziplining.

The tour guides were excellent. They played multiple practical jokes on me, which I liked, and made Taylor feel quite comfortable. He road the first several lines tandem with the guide. Finally, on the last line, Taylor was comfortable enough to go by himself. It was the longest, and perhaps fastest line of the day. Sadly, Taylor's body weight wasn't quite enough to push him to the end, but like a trooper, he rembered his training and pulled himself along the line the last 50 feet until he reached the platform.


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Sometimes I see blogs that seemlessly embed photos on the right and left side of the page without missing a beat. I've tried it before and always end up with a mess. I've tried it again, and wish I wouldn't have. Starting tomorrow the Razor will once again be a "centered photos only" blog.

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My softball team lost both games last night. Between my vacation and Michael Smith's injury, they only had 9 players, and were missing the 2 best outfielders. So 2nd place...

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In addition to the zipline, there was also a Tarzan Swing as part of our tour. The cable is probably 100 feet long, you attach to it, and swing out over the jungle. Taylor like it so much he did it twice. In fact, I think it was the success of the swing that convinced him to ride a zipline by himself.

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Just realized that while screwing around with getting those left/right pictures aligned, I didn't tell you much about my zipline experience. Highly recommend. You wear a harness, clip to the cable, and have a leather glove that you can use for a break. It's best to not use the break until you are very close to the landing platform. The first couple lines we zipped were over an open area, but eventually we got into the jungle. I loved flying through there, having leaves and vines slap your feet, and enjoying the view.

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The Internet access is good here, but limited to the lodge portion of the hotel grounds. Being unable to Blog/text from the comfort of my room requires that I end here. Oh yeah, the temperature was nice today, but HUMID!

The Costa Rica Files, Version 1.0

The above photograph was taken in central Florida on the drive to Orlando last night. It occured to me today that I have become entirely too dependent on American style signs and signals to tell me what to do. I had a hard time adjusting to the traffic flow with the rental car. Here, the driving regulations seem to be: point your car in the general direction of your destination, try not to hit another car or pedestrian. With the second portion being more of a rule of thumb than an actual regulation.

And crossing the street? Christena, Taylor, and I decided to roam around San Jose today and see some of the sights. Sadly, we watched helplessly as the local people darted in and out of traffic crossing the street while we, without crosswalks or the little "walking man" symbol, were relegated to looking like idiots... Tomorrow we head for the countryside/jungle which should be more our pace.

The picture above? Do we really need to be reminded to look out for poisonous snakes? I suppose so, but here that would be like a sign reminding people to breathe... Just as they've learned to drive, walk in traffic, &c. sans benefit of instruction...
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Arriving in Costa Rica, it was interesting to learn that their version of Spanish is slightly different than what you might learn in a text book. For example, the Costa Rican' Spanish word for "Droid phone with Verizon service" is "Clock".

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As I type this, my softball team is playing for the city championship. Without their best player of course. I've been texting with the guys a little bit, trying to keep up. Last I heard we were down by 6 runs. I hope they pull it out if for no other reason than Taylor's coach-pitch team already won the city championship in the 7-8 year old division, and I don't want to hear his crap if we don't follow suit.

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Sorry ladies, it seems that I have been on the wrong side of the camera for most of the day. We'll try to correct that tommorrow. In the meantime, here are some photos of San Jose:


San Jose seems to sit in a valley with mountains all around. The temperature was quite comfortable today. Not at all what I expected or experienced on my previous trips to the tropics. I suppose it might be a function of the elevation. Anyways, you can see a little of the city/mountains in the background.

No one prepared Taylor for the pronounciation of the letter "J" in Spanish, and for that matter, we never told him the names of the cities we would be visiting. So his 1st exposure to San Jose was via reading it, and as you can imagine, he rendered it with a hard J. Kinda like San Joecee.


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An update from the team. We were in the winner's bracket so our opponent must defeat us twice. We lost the first game 26 -21 and lost our real best player to a hamstring injury. Game 2 is currently underway.

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That's it. Assuming there is adequate Internet access and time, I'll add more content over the next few days. I've optimistically titled today's post 1.0, with hopes that there will be more...

I usually write these things without outside input. At times, I've written something that I thought was funny, only to find out later that no one "got it". Christena read part of this post and didn't understand the droid/clock analogy above. All I was trying to say is that there is no cell service, but it still keeps time... Of course, it will connect to wi-fi, so in addition to not being particularly funny, my joke is also not entirely true.

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Seriously, the last thing. As I experienced in Borneo last year, when you use Blogger in a non-English speaking country, spellcheck doesn't work. As of right now, the software is convinced that I've misspelled about 90% of this post. I'm hopeful that this is kind of on the high side, but I'm not sure what to do about it. So please forgive some of the misspellings and overlook the others...