Political Poetry

The election’s just 6 weeks away,

But it’s hard to endure the delay:

How we long for a rout

And the bums all thrown out!

How we wish we were voting today!

Educated Slicers will no doubt recognize the above as a Limerick. Which besides being my favorite form of poetry (haiku runs a close 2nd), is a five-line poem in anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (aabba), which intends to be witty or humorous, and is sometimes obscene* with humorous intent.

Notice that a Limerick must contain 5 lines. So this is unacceptable:

There once was a woman from Crew,

Whose limerick stopped at line two

Equally (perhaps more so) offensive:

There once was a man from Verdun,**

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So why the focus on poetry? Good question. I am so enraged with our elected officials I felt I only had two choices. 1. Get involved in the system or 2. Express myself in rhyme! It's amazing how much stress can be relieved in 5 short lines.

And why am I enraged? Because none of the so-called "statesman" in this country appear to be sleeping with each other! That's why. It's been three long months since we had a good sex scandal, and this is an election year. And I run a travel/sex scandal blog and haven't been traveling.

So selfishly I've compiled a list of candidates that I want you to vote for. I know I said I would never endorse a candidate on the Razor (unless they pay me money), but I have high hopes for 2011 (and desperately need material).

While it was no trouble finding a list of politicians particular well suited to making poor decisions, I wasn't comfortable selecting the men. So 40% of the list was not compiled by me...

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1. Nikki Haley - Running for Governor of South Carolina - While not as attractive as I'd prefer, she is easily the sluttiest candidate in either party this year. Her track record of unfaithfulness and low-standards make her perfect for South Carolina.
2. Christine O'Donnell - Running for Senate, Delaware - Her photos speak for themselves. So hot that she'll have no trouble "reaching across the aisle". Neither party will be able to resist her.

3. Eddie Lucio III - State House of Representatives (D) This bilingual hottie has a Web site in both Spanish and English -- keeping women swooning in at least two languages.

4. Jack Conway - Attorney General, Kentucky As Attorney General, Conway fights violent crime and protects kids from online predators -- and that's sexy!

5. Ruby Dhalla - Member of the Canadian Parliament, I get a surprisingly large number of web traffic from our northern neighbor and am willing to do as much research as necessary to chronicle her sexploits...

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* Limericks were given their "obscene" reputation when some poet produced a whole series entitled "There once was a man from Nantucket" and proceeded to use extraordinarily creative variations of the "F" word.

** The reader is left to imagine that the 2nd line would've been, "Whose Limerick stopped at line one." Aren't poetry jokes great?