My absence was not caused by a lack of material, for it is election season, but rather stems from an unusually busy work week, culminating in me having been promoted to "Varmint Remover in Chief". Photo:
This opossum had the good fortune of dying behind the Razor headquarters, so rather than being picked apart by scavengers, she'll be immortalized on the Internet (and then picked apart by scavengers)...
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On to (slightly) more newsworthy items, the Wiregrass breathes a sigh of relief this week as one of the area's longest standing feuds seems to have been resolved without any further violence. Of course, I'm referring to District 1 City Commissioner James Reading's battle against political foe Larry Matthews. These two (not so) gentlemen have traded the District 1 seat back and forth 3 times this decade.
A photo of Commissioner Reading:
Prior to this year, their battles have always taken place inside the ballot box, but in August Commissioner Reading decided that the "City of Dothan's National Night Out Against Crime" was not big enough for the two of them. It was at this event that Reading grabbed Matthews shirt and arm and threatened to fight him. Reading was also charged with telling Matthews that he would "whoop his a$$ if he came to the (Dothan City Commission) meetings."
To settle the charges stemming from this incident, Reading agreed to publicly apologize to Matthews and pay him $30 to replace the shirt that he damaged. It is assumed that Matthews will also be allowed to attend the Commission Meetings without fear of being whooped.
As an aside, what kind of self-respecting politician wears $30 shirts? My socks cost more than that... If Reading, or any of the esteemed members of the Commission, get physical with me, $30 will serve as a down payment...
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In keeping with the Razors' theme of supporting politicians most likely to provide us with sex scandals, we wholeheartedly endorse Kristin Davis for Governor of New York. Her qualifications include, but are not limited to, being a prostitute, running a brothel, and having an advanced degree in "supply-side" economics. Here's a video, which shockingly, is safe for work:
I offer my sincere apology to Jimmy McMillan who is also running for Governor of New York. In any other year I would be delighted to support any candidate from The Rent is Too Damn High Party. Besides looking like a black version of President Chester Arthur, Mr. McMillan runs a Karate DoJo. And just how high is his rent? $0 That's right, he hasn't paid one penny in rent for decades (here). A video:
Listen closely to the video. Did you hear that? No, that wasn't the sound of a hungry child's stomach growling. It was the sound of an overly-groomed, elderly African-American Ninja executing a near flawless round-house kick to the dignity of the people of New York.
Nice Gloves.
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$10,000 reward for anyone able to arrange a cage match between Dothan's James Reading and New York's Jimmy McMillan.
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