Jenny Adams (aka jenny_a134)
Sorry for making her photo so small, but in keeping with the authentic twitter feel...Anyway, I see she is following me and my curiosity (among other things*) was aroused. I definitely don't know her so I clicked on her profile to see if I could figure out where she's from, why she is following me, if she'd like to go to dinner sometime, &c. First I scanned all of her recent tweets. They all seemed to be about physical fitness, offering no clue as to why she's decided to follow me. Still stumped, I clicked on the list of everyone else that she follows (here). Bingo! This young lady follows 69 people named Adam Thomas.
Unfortunately, this new information asks more questions then it answers. Is she on a one woman crusade to whip all Adam Thomas' into shape? Is there a particular Adam Thomas she seeks? Is this the start of a trend where random hot chicks Twitter-stalk everyone named Adam Thomas? (I'm hoping for the latter.)
Bizarre.
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Slicers, I need your help. Time and time again, you have disappointed me by not voting in my polls, not participating in my contests, &c. Today you have the opportunity to redeem yourselves.
As I've mentioned before, I am playing Co-Ed softball this fall. Three weeks ago my team was tied for third place in the city and we were really beginning to strike fear in the hearts of our opponents. However, we've lost 3 out of the last 4 games and are now limping into the playoffs.
What brought about this sudden (down)turn of events? Allow me some back story.
One of my teammates is Shellie McMoy (I changed her name slightly to protect her identity) here is her photo:
This photo is a year old. Our uniforms are not nearly as hideous this year.
Back to the story. Besides being attractive, Shellie is a solid outfielder and pretty good hitter. In fact, I've been please with the performance of most of our females this year. That is until the last 2 weeks. What brings about the change? I've pinpointed it.
The attendance of Shellie's boyfriend, Aaron Bostic.
Aaron is a semi-professional musician, and has not been able to attend any of our previous games due to band practice. The past 2 weeks he has been in the bleachers and has cost us some games.
As I've said before, I'm not superstitious so I'm not implying that he brings us bad luck. The problem is that he is one of the most attractive men on the planet. He is so good looking that he not only distracts our girls, but our pitcher (Danny) walked in 4 runs last week because he couldn't keep his eyes on the field of play. Apparently, I** am the only person who can perform with this hunk in the stands:
We've got girls striking out left and right, my brother-in-law hit two flyballs to the infield, and don't get me started on the fielding errors. Practically my whole team has performance anxiety with this dude in attendance.
This is where you Slicers come in!
I can't take anymore losses (or looks of inadequacy from Christena) so do your part and get this guy out of town. For the love of God, buy his cd's (here), download his ITunes, and book him to Monday night gigs. Call radio stations, forward his music to your friends, do whatever it takes! If we don't get Aaron out on tour before November 8th, our team will be out of the playoffs faster than the Tampa Bay Rays.
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* Before publishing, I got this joke approved by the censors. Blame him, not me, if you are offended.
** While I have only made one out with Aaron in attendance it's only fair to mention that Joe Ard has been jacking out homeruns almost every time he comes to the plate.
3 comments:
In Aaron's defense.... It's not his fault he is super handsome. Surely, being a financial planner, you have an full understanding of genetics. It's not my, I mean his, fault fly balls are dropped due to his physical prowess... I think true culprit here is... "pinstripes"... I, again... "He", noticed your the only team not sporting the full pinstripe pants the others adorn.. Perhaps if the sponsor of the team would come off of some cash and buy it's players some ball pants the 10 run rule wouldn't come into effect so often. Thanks.
Someone that isn't Aaron Bostic.
In my defense...let me start by saying I am a team player and I have noticed the number of good ball players our coach has cycled through the shortstop position over the season. One by one these very talented ball players have become unhinged by the pressure placed on them by our coach. I almost made it through the season without saying anything but the other night I couldn't stand it any longer. After watching 2 more ball players fold under the immense pressure of playing shortstop for Adam I decided it was time for someone to take the pressure off of them for a game so I walked in the most runs I can ever remember in one game. I don't know if the boyfriend curse is real or not but I needed to set one thing straight. My frequent looks over my shoulder were not directed at Aaron but rather at Eric and Joe checking to make sure they were okay. I think Joe's massive homeruns actually might have been the result of Joe redirecting his anger away from Adam and onto the softball.
However, if your new twitter stalker ever makes it to the ball field I can't make any promises about my attention.
I was informed that your censor thought the joke was inappropriate. He sais his actual quote to you was, "I wouldn't say it, but you always make inappropriate jokes anyway. I'm sure your grandma is used to them by now."
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