Sorry ladies, he's taken.
Stevie Davis, my brother-in-law, turns 34 today. My sister was so delighted with the e-beatdown I put on my Dad, that she decided to buy one for Stevie. I'm sure he'll be delighted to learn that he is the proud recipient of the Adam's Razor Father's Day 2010 Gold Package (at least until he gets his bank statement). In hindsight I wish I would've designed the Adam's Razor Father's Day 2010 Polo Shirt in navy blue, because that is the only color he'll wear.
I want to apologize in advance for some of the math jokes contained in this blog. I know math isn't funny, but Steve is a math nerd. And while he might be the only slicer that gets them, it's his birthday...
Thankfully, I don't have very many pictures of Stevie on my computer, but I was able to find Stevie's 11th grade year book photo:
To say that Stevie is kinda nerdy, is like saying Tiger Woods is kinda good with women. As proof I offer these examples:
1. One time I asked him, "If we could drill a hole straight through the center of the earth, how long would it take an object to fall through it and come out the other side?" 5 minutes later he says, "41 minutes and 36 seconds in a vacuum, a lot longer with air resistance" I looked it up. He was right...
2. His computer password is Avogadro's number.
3. When his daughter Abby Grace asked if Santa Claus was real, he responded, "Only if you multiply him by i. What kind of a father would say something like that?
(DISCLAIMER: I realize this joke is kind of clumsy, but math jokes aren't exactly my specialty. However, I spent so much time researching the joke, that I felt compelled to include it. Said research gave me a headache. If you want to learn more about real vs. imaginary numbers, you are a sicko, but click here. The highlight of the linked article? "Misuse of the imaginary unit can lead to difficulties". No doubt! In the history of the imaginary unit, no one has misused it more thoroughly than me.)
Ok, no more math jokes.
Stevie's proudest moments both involve wrestling livestock. Late at night, you can often find him in front of his TV watching an old VHS tape of the 1991 National Peanut Festival Calf Scramble where he grabbed a heifer and wrestled it across the finish line victoriously. Ironically, this is the same method he used to marry my sister (guess I won't be getting paid now...). Steve's prowess with farm animals does not stop there. Several years ago we were at my uncle Bruce's house when one of his goats got out of the fence. Sensing an opportunity, Steve sprung to action. He wrangled that goat in record time! Never before or since have I met someone with such passion for goat roping.
Stevie's most embarrassing moment? A vicious case of hemorrhoids that ended with two nurses and my sister holding him down while the doctor injected the offending blood vessels before removing them with a scalpel. Yowzer! I later learned from the attending physician that Stevie had the tightest butt cheeks he'd ever seen. Stevie really enjoys talking about this situation and will no doubt be glad I discussed it on the internet. If you happen to run into him anytime soon, please don't hesitate to mention it.
CAL see you lator (had to squeeze in one more math joke),
The Razor
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