Tuesday, June 22, 2010

An Oil Change We Can Believe In

Ever been at the beach and noticed someone glazing their body in baby oil to enhance the effects of the suns' rays? We are pleased to announce that on the Gulf Coast, this step is no longer required. The oil is included as part of the experience. Just dive right in.

While backpacking across the southeast Asian island of Borneo, we marveled at the efficiency of the tribal fisherman. Catch fish, insert stick into mouth, hold over fire (wienie roast style), eat. Imagine our surprise upon arriving back in the US and finding out that the Gulf of Mexico had been converted into one big fish fry. We would've preferred peanut oil, but let's not quibble. (Note to Pennsylvanian's, we don't use vegtable oil. Down here, the peanut is king.)

With regards to the federal governments response to this disaster, what were your expectations? The federal government is good at two things: doing nothing (Katrina) and over-reacting (TARP). As far as the rig goes, the first month of this fiasco was probably handled about right. Let BP try to fix their mess. They caused it, and should have the manpower and expertise to try to correct it.

Which is not to say that Obama et. al should not be criticized. He spent a couple of years and hundreds of millions of dollars begging to lead the most inefficient organization in the history of the world. Be careful what you wish for...

If it's true that he declined aid from other countries due to the Jones Act, shame on him.

If his offshore oil drilling ban causes the rigs in the Gulf to be scattered to the far corners of the earth, we'll pay for that at the pump in a couple years, but that outcome was basically built into the Democratic Party platform before the spill, and they are on record as not wanting to waste a perfectly good crisis.

As far as protecting our beaches, marches, &c. from the incoming oil, what event in the 200+ year history of our glorious nation gives evidence that the response would be effective? Did you really think that we had 1000 miles of booms just waiting to be put to use? This is not a defense of the Obama Administration, merely an observation that no matter who is President, 100,000,000+ gallons of oil makes a pretty big mess. Just as a Category 5 hurricane hitting a city below sea level is gonna cause some problems.

It is a God-given right for all Americans to be able to spew as many hydrocarbons as we want into our atmosphere. But into our oceans? No way. So what could've been done to avert this disaster? How about enforcement of existing laws? How can BP rack over 700 safety violations in less than 5 years and still have a licence to drill? In the same time period ExxonMobil had 1. So the problem lies not within our oil industry, but with BP.

Since John Browne became BP's CEO, its North American operations have experienced the industry's worst and biggest "accidents" - the Alaska pipeline leak due to failure to "pig" the line, the Texas City refinery explosion caused by a series of acts of negligence -some criminal- and now Macondo. Browne even gave up using the name "British Petroleum" and said the company's logo meant "Beyond Petroleum," swanning around about going green and diverting money from oil and gas operations to those organizations that would evoke praise from Al Gore and Greenpeace. With his words and the company's money for funding leftist causes, he became the first oil CEO to become a darling of the Left. To us, he is the oil equivalent of Barry Bonds -a disgrace to his industry and an unmitigated disaster.

This fiasco isn't on Browne's watch: his successor, Tony Hayward, has to assume responsibility—at least for what his company’s lawyers cannot ascribe to Transocean, Halliburton,&c. But he inherited a company whose risk culture was seriously flawed.

So BP stands for Beyond Petroleum? You're an oil company right? BEYOND Petroleum??? We here at the Razor have a suggestion for your marketing department. Try another re-branding initiative:


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