John R. Thomas (June 17th, 1955 - )

Today is my father's birthday. While some sons would probably send him a nice gift or give him a birthday call, I've decided to use his 55th birthday as an opportunity to shamelessly promote the Adam's Razor Father's Day 2010 Gold Package.

For those of you who've had the pleasure of getting to know my father, you are no doubt aware of his fascination with electronic gadgets. He uses his belt, not to hold his pants up, but to carry so many devices it looks like you robbed a Circuit City (RIP). I remember a couple years ago he'd lost quite a bit of weight. I said, "Dad, you're looking good. How much weight have you lost?" His reply, "Too much. I'm not currently big enough around to accommodate all of my gadgets."

Would you like to outfit yourself in the latest high-tech fashion? In an Adam's Razor Exclusive, I'm please to announce that I am now able to finally disclose virtually everything John Thomas wears on his personage. WARNING: If you intend to fly internationally, you'll need to arrive at the airport at least three days before your scheduled departure time to make it through security.

His current arsenal of Gadgets is:

1. Iphone - clipped to belt
2. Pocket PC - clipped to belt, usually in rear. Back up device for software that isn't MAC compatible.
3. GPS Device - clipped to belt
4. 2 Terabyte External Harddrive - clipped to belt
5. NuPower Charge and Sync - clipped to belt. Battery backup with three interchangeable cables - mini-USB, micro-USB and Dock Connector - to connect
to nearly any mobile device. Provides emergency power to various devices.
6. Solar powered charger - Clipped to belt
7. Garage door opener - clipped to belt
8. Set of itty-bitty screwdrivers - clipped to belt
9. Digital Camera - clipped to belt
10. and 11. Extra-Large Belt Clip Key Chain. Not to hold keys, but to hold all of his USB Jump Drives.
12. Video Glasses - Just plug them into an IPOD, DVD player, etc. Enjoy big-screen performance on the tip of your nose.
13. Various Power Cables, adaptors, etc. Worn like ammo belts Rambo style across chest/shoulder.

For less than $1600, you can outfit yourself John Thomas-style.

One thing you might not know about John:

He was the inspiration for "The Simpson's" character Ned Flanders. Ned Flanders is a devout Christian, he is amongst the most friendly and compassionate Springfield citizens and is generally considered a pillar of the Springfield community. Ned Flanders has never aged, while my father clearly has, but I'm sure you'll see the resemblance:





Just so we're clear, my dad is not wearing his glasses in the picture. The other guy is Ned.

Since I began offering sweet shirts for sale on my blog, many people have asked me. "Who designs all of your merchandise?" The answer, my Dad. When I first became aware of the demand for Razor attire, I approached my Dad about helping me out. He has a nearly unquenchable desire to make his own T-shirts. It is not uncommon to see him up late at night working with stencils, glue, the iron, etc. Check out some of these sweet babies he made for our family:


One year, the whole family was headed up to Pennsylvania for the Auchey Family Reunion (my Mom's side of the family). To avoid confusion, Dad decided we needed a T-Shirt with my Mom's name on it to help identify ourselves:



Oddly, we haven't been invited back...



The whole family went on a white-water rafting trip. What better way to commemorate it then a T-Shirt?



It was this masterpiece that won him the job designing for the Razor. I'm sorry the picture is a bit blurry, but that's all of us.

I hope that all you slicers out there have enjoyed learning about my Dad. Before I end this post, I want to send my Dad a very sincere and heartfelt message. Due to it's personal nature, I don't want random people reading it. As a result, I will write it in a language that only geeks speak, binary code.

0100010001100001011001000010110000100000010010000
1100001011100000111000001111001001000000100001001
1010010111001001110100011010000110010001100001011
1100100101110001000000010000001010100011010000110
0001011011100110101101110011001000000110011001101
1110111001000100000011001010111011001100101011100
1001111001011101000110100001101001011011100110011
1001000010010000000100000010010010010000001101100
0110111101110110011001010010000001111001011011110
1110101001000010010000000100000010001010110111001
1010100110111101111001001000000110001001100101011
0100101101110011001110010000000110101001101010010
11100010111000101110


Happy Birthday Dad!!

P.S. Want your dad ridiculed? There are still a few dates available. ACT Now!