Whenever I use my image for official Razor business, my graphics guy (who chooses to remain nameless) photoshops me up in a (perhaps hopeless) effort to make me appear attractive. As an example, below you will find two photos. The original on the left and the one that has been Handaled on the right:
Notice the wrinkles and crows feet around my eyes, random discolorations in my skin, and various scarring here and there. Gone, Gone, and Gone!
Some slicers might point out that even with the most powerful photo editing softball extant, I'm still not particularly attractive. You'll be reminded that the Razor is not a dating website, it is a blog. If this was E-Harmony, I'd use someone else's picture entirely. At the Razor, I just try to modify reality slightly to suit my purposes.
When I meet members of the public for the first time, they often comment that I look younger on the internet. Even though I have a long track record of disappointing females, I decided to take some steps to upgrade my analog face to more closely resemble my digital face.
You see, about twice a week, I eat lunch with a group of dermatologists (no I won't get you an appointment). I challenged them and their 20+ combined years of medical school to fix my face. After staring at my skin multiple times per week for the past six months, they finally devised a plan to improve it. This morning they invited me in for my first treatment. Half a cannister of liquid nitrogen later, they feel like they froze off about ten years worth of mistreatment. I feel like they burned off my entire face.
I'm told that the pain, blistering, &c. will gradually subside over the next two weeks and my new face will be ready for its debut!
Females of the Wiregrass, Rejoice. Men of the Wiregrass, Lament.
Postscript: Due to the sensative nature of this post I've opted to disable the "comments" feature on this post. If you have a comment, please right it down on paper (using blue or black ink), wad it up into a ball, and shove it where the "sun don't shine".
