Local stuff, mea culpa, &c.

After Friday's successful E-visceration of Taylor Barbaree, I've had a few requests to slice up more local stuff. I'm hesitant to do this for a couple reasons. One of which is that some readers may not realize that this site is done entirely tongue in cheek, and it is infinitely more likely that I'll run into a local person than Al Gore (God forbid). In attempt to avoid getting beat up by a commissioner, I'll probably continue to stick with more "national" topics.

With that said, I found one item that I believe is safe to pursue.

There is only one place that scares me more than a wedding alter, and that is a hospital maternity ward. As such, it seems unlikely that I'll run across these parties anytime soon. For background, there was a brawl in the "birthing unit" of the Southeast Alabama Medical Center. You can read about it here (As an aside, every tenth person or so who clicks the link will see my photo at the top of the page. Single ladies who choose to refresh the site repeatedly are to be saluted.).

The article states that the "fight involved family and boyfriend". It is hard to imagine what event could've transpired at such a joyous occasion to warrant the need for physical violence. While I haven't been able to contact an eyewitness to this debacle, it can be assumed that it unfolded something like this:

• Doctor: "Almost there. Just give me one more push."
• Doctor: "Ok, that does it. You've delivered a healthy baby boy/girl (the article isn't clear).
• Husband: "I love you honey. I'm so proud of you. Hey. Wait a minute. This thing looks just like (boyfriend)!!!

I'll spare you the rest, but it's easy to see how this thing got out of hand. Without more information, I feel bad for the child and husband. Depending on the level of attractiveness of the mother, I could possibly be persuaded to feel bad for the boyfriend.

I'M SORRY

On Friday, I added the "Friends of the Razor" link at the top of the blog. Slicers who happened to click it, were able to become partially familiar with my friend David Sconyers. As I mentioned, he is a grumpy ole fellow and extremely difficult to please. Imagine my surprise when I received a text message from him over the weekend congratulating me on my hilarious piece on Chick-fil-A (linked above).

I was only able to rest on my laurels for 5 days. Today he dropped by my office to give me a stern talking to. It seems he was so disappointed by yesterdays effort, he had to tell me face to face.

Look, I know I "mailed it in", but I thought it might be nice to mix it up a bit and just give you the jokes without having to read 32 paragraphs of linguistical bombast. At least one shaver agreed. My friend Strowd left me a nice comment.

Over the past few months, I've developed a very detailed method for writing this blog. First, a hilarious sentence pops into my head. Next, I try to think up the most convoluted way of incorporating the sentence into a blog post. Last, I consider proofreading the post and then decide not to.

Yesterday, in an attempt to save time, I skipped the 2nd step. As David pointed out, each of the bullet-pointed jokes was funny enough to deserve a well developed Razor post, and I wasted them. I'm sorry and it won't happen again.