The Borneo Files Version 7.0

Sorry I've been too busy to do much blogging the past few days. We've had a really good time here and are getting ready to head home. Our flight leaves at midnight tonight. We will travel for 23 hours and arrive in Atlanta at lunch time time on Tuesday. I'm not promising anything but sometime later this week I might try to add the past couple days worth of photos and do a Borneo recap. More likely, once I arrive back in America I'll refocus my efforts more on hilarity.

Before I leave Borneo, I did promise to tell you the story of the Spy who was sent to track me down. Here it is:

First, Adam’s Razor is embedded with some very sophisticated HTML code that allows me to track the quantity and location of my readers. This helps me fine tune the message so I can continue to give the people what they want. In the past month I’ve received web traffic from nearly every state in the union, but I get very little (NO) international traffic. That is until Thursday or Friday of last week when I got a hit from Slovenia. You may recall my post from that time that detailed how excited I was to have finally attracted an international visitor.

Second, when you are a Freelance Goodwill Ambassador representing the Democratic People’s Republic of America in a foreign land, you can’t be too careful.

Over breakfast, I informed my companions about the hit from Slovenia and then I helped them marvel at how amazing The Razor has become. I was still basking in my own glory a couple of hours later when I realized that I was being followed by a young lady. If there is one thing that I have experience at, it’s being followed by young ladies. Over the years, one of the techniques I’ve developed to take advantage of these types of situations is the “circle maneuver”. The details of the “circle maneuver” are too complex to be explained in detail here, but the basic idea is: if someone is following you, walk in a circle, come up behind them and the followee has become the follower! Got it? From this vantage point it is much easier to decide if you should initiate contact or run and hide.

Words cannot express the level of shock and paranoia that I felt when I discovered that the person following me was an agent of the Slovenian government. As I approached her from behind, I noticed that she was wearing a T-Shirt that said Slovenia on the back. Since she was a highly trained spy, she quickly realized that she’d fallen for the old “circle maneuver” and took evasive action. Not only did she run into a Mosque to hide, but she actually changed into a Burqa in an effort to confuse and disorient me. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t work. Not only did I capture her, but I took this photo to document the curious case:

From misc.

Her story was that she was a citizen of Holland, currently teaching scuba diving courses in Thailand and that she had just come to visit Brunei (and its Mosques) for the weekend. I immediately knew she was lying because she wasn’t wearing wooden shoes or flippers. She claimed that the Slovenia shirt was a gift and that she had no idea why anyone from Slovenia (or anywhere else) would have the least bit of interest in me or my blog.

Because I’m not an official diplomat, the US embassy refused to take her into custody for me. As a result, I was forced to release her here:

From misc.

This whole episode has aroused my curiosity quite a bit. Here are some of the things I would like the Slovenian Government to address:

1. What interest does the Government of Slovenia have in me and my Razor?
2. Why did Slovenia send a blond spy after me? Aren’t they aware that I prefer brunettes?
3. If a brunette spy wasn’t available this weekend, when will one be available?

Of course there is always the possibility that the whole thing was just one big coincidence, but how many Dutch ladies wear random Slovenian T-shirts while touring the Mosques of Brunei the day after The Razor gets a hit from Slovenia? It seems more likely that I was the target of an espionage plot.