An open letter to Michael Strowd

If there was ever a Razor post that you Slicers had my permission to skip, this is it. Today's offering is aimed at motivating thestrowd to return to his blogging ways. The last thing he posted on either of his blogs was in July and was a video of his wife cutting grass. This football season has taken quite a toll on Michael. Watching his team win all of its games (so far) was nearly more than he could bear. Further, he appointed himself "Facebook Guardian of the Tiger Legacy", which has caused not only mental anguish for himself, but may very well split his family right down the middle. Those of you who decide to read my open letter to the Strowd may very well take issue with some of the things I say about various fanbases. Your comments will not be well received. In my lifetime I've seen every school in our conference engage in more acts of classlessness than I care to document on this blog. Attempts to persuade me that your school/team/fanbase is better than mine, will fall on deaf ears. Rather, I've accepted the fact that all schools have a great many "fans" that they'd be better off without. Whichever school you've chosen to follow, I salute you for your passion and look forward to seeing you on the field. I'm also open to receiving good-natured "ribbing" when you team defeats mine. It is not the attempt of this post to declare my teams supremacy. Far from it, in fact. Rather, the motivation is to get thestrowd back in the game.



Dear Strowd,

Please take a few moments away from your ongoing Facebook Flame War and consider making a triumphant return to the Blogosphere. It hurts my soul to hear tales of a formerly great Blogger being caught up in e-skirmishes on social networking sites. In 9 short days The Iron Bowl will be contested on the field, not in newspapers and not on Facebook. Bragging rights will then be awarded to the victorious fanbase. Banishing your Mom's side of the family to de-friended purgatory? You are a Blogger, and as such, I expect more from you.

Not only are you a Blogger, you are a multi-Blogger. Or I should say, you WERE a multi-Blogger. Did you know that thestrowd.com has gone offline? That's right. While you've been feeding the Facebook frenzy, your blog-server went down like Aaron Murray after a late hit to the back. Pull it together man!

Unless you traveled to the top of Mount Ararat where the Almighty God presented you with stone tablets instructing you to defend the Auburn Tigers from any and all attacks from opposing fanbases, STOP.

If after 11 weeks of College Football your dear Aunt Bertha finally realized that our defensive lineman don't like the opposing team's quarterbacks, I'd wonder why she chose your "wall" to document her findings, but I'd also salute her. And wonder where she has been the rest of the season. Steven Garcia, Kyle Parker, Ryan Mallett, Jarrett Lee, and Aaron Murray walked onto Pat Dye Field and were carried off. It's a contact sport.

The 2010 Auburn Tigers are the equivalent of the 1990's Miami Hurricanes? If any fanbase should fear talk of Miami, it ain't us. (This is an allusion to the Agent funded trips to Miami that many of our foes received.)

Auburn paid Cam Newton to play for us? Not your battle. There is an army of FBI agents, NCAA investigators, and half-wit journalists scouring the Southeast for evidence. If we paid him, it'll come out. Until then, try not to wet your pants every time someone with an agenda strings together enough words to form a semi-coherent thought that you don't agree with. We enjoy a season like this every 5-10 years and I fear you may be letting them spoil it for you.

More importantly, the Blogosphere needs you. I realize that since you went inactive with His Mercy Endureth Forever , the Razor has steadily improved to become one of the nations leading blogs, but there is enough bandwidth out there for all of us. Do not be intimidated by the Razor's ascension. As you know, you are the one who introduced me to Blogging and without you...

Further, there is a void left by your absence that the Razor can't fill. Because I made the decision long ago to write the Razor tongue-in-cheek, I can't address many important topics like spirituality, religion, &c. It would seem disingenuous for me to campaign for sexually promiscuous politicians one day and discuss "faith" the next. I made that sacrifice for the sake of hilarity. That is where you come in.

Your writing contains a sense of sincerity that I could never attempt to duplicate. My forte is supercilious narcissism, which has some comedic value, but any attempt at earnestness is confusing to the reader. Your writing style is fun for the reader, allows your passion to show through, and gives us an intimate look at what makes you thestrowd.

As evidence, I've linked both of our posts about the BP-Gulf Oil Spill (adam's and strowd's). Even a casual observer will notice the contrast in our writings. Frankly, I'm sure many people would like to read more of yours, and less of mine. Indulge them.

Inasmuch as you still want to continue your role as the Captain of the Auburn Tigers E-Cheerleading Squad, I would posit that your blog would offer a more productive venue. You have complete control of content, can shape the argument however you'd like, and are able to use various links, embeds, &c. that the commies at Facebook don't allow.

If you still haven't found my arguement convincing, I implore you to watch this video. What is it? This is a video of Cam Newton celebrating the victory over the Georgia Leghumpers. Towards the end of the video you'll see him answer his cellphone. Check it out:




As I'm sure you suspect, that was me calling Cam. I told him that thestrowd was considering getting back in the blog business. For the past four days, Cam has been sitting infront of his (slightly used) laptop, frantically refreshing your blog, awaiting your new material. The entire Athletic Department is in a tizzy. He refuses to practice until your blog is updated.

While he should have been watching film of the Crimson Tide, he has been watching your wife mow grass. So you don't have to blog for me, you don't have blog for your faithful readers, but for the love of Bo Jackson, blog for the Tigers!

Sincerely,

Adam

P.S. I have a sweet logo and a line of mechandise. You don't.